she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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