bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
