Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
