Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize