Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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