This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
