I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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