The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize