The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
