I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
