You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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