I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
