I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
