You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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