apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize