Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize