New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
