then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
