There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just blew my weed a kiss
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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