Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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