You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
