this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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