I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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