Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm just crazy horny about you
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
