He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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