The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Can I color on your dick again?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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