Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
