My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize