while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
