I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize