Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
