i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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