last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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