Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
