Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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