i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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