I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
