Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
