it's too hot outside to masturbate.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize