I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
