he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
