I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
