it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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