You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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