but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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