Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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