Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My bed smells like the plague
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
