Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
