Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
