I am in a vortex of obligation.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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