You're my little dorito
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just pee around me
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
