If that was your dad, he is hot
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
