I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
