Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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