break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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