We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Someone came in the potted fern
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize