between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Less talking, more tequila
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
