i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
