there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
