dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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