I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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