i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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