Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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