we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
