I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
