I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
