I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
