i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize