i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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