too bad you live with your parents still
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
