I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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