Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
