I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
