She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
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