just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
i think i just lost a toe
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
