i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
