Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
