there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
