I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
