I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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