Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize