cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
