all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
