I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
