We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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