i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
But theres a keg here and me gusta
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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