fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
