I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
