if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
