My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
