My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
