I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
