he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize