I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
