im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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