I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Randomize
